just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
