i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
