What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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