trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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