just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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