just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
