Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.

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(214): View more from Texas

The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

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(303): View more from Colorado

maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I was the one passing out cake at the bars

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.

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(903): View more from Texas

he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.

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(708): View more from Illinois

"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"

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