Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
