What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
