I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
