SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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