3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
