filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
