I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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