now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
