So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's great music for shaving your balls
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize