i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
