i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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