if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
