Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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