Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
