I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
