he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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