between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
