my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
