i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
