Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
