Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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