There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
