too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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