A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm passing your future prison.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
