You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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