There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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