If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
