Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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