Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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