Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
