so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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