So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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