my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
