You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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