my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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