im drinking this country out of the recession.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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