i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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