gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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