we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
