what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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