Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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