You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Porn is love you can see.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
