I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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