I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
