Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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