I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
