I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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