My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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