fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
