yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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