Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
