I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
