I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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