Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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