Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
