If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
50% drunk capacity currently
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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