Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
